The norm

I think I've forgotten what it's like to be normal.

Most people's response to that statement will be something like "...whatever normal is...", or "...no such thing as normal...", and I guess they're right. My response to that is that "this" - everything that's going on in my life now - isn't how I remember normal life being. Though I suppose it's becoming my norm now.

What's prompted me to feel like this? Someone has talked to me recently like I'm "normal". Everyone tiptoes around me at the moment. They're careful not to upset me; they go out of their way to keep me calm, not provoke an argument so I don't get upset; and I'm pretty certain that their poor little toes must be hurting from all the eggshells they walk on!

But just recently, these past couple of days, someone pretty close has taken a different approach with something not related to the illness. They've given it to me straight, just talked to me as they would have done 14 months ago.

I think I appreciate it. But, to be honest, I've become so used to being talked to "nicely" that it's come as a bit of a shock and I'm not quite sure how to handle it!

When something that isn't your norm becomes your norm, how do you handle the abnormal... or how do you ask somebody to help you deal with it, because it's probably their norm!

I'm confusing matters now.

I'd gotten [sorry, R - that word!] used to the nicey-nice treatment and was shocked by the bluntness of this person. Shocked into silence, in fact. Which of course came across as being "A Silence". It wasn't meant like that. I'm just not used to people treating me like "any other person" anymore.

I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I know it's probably my own doing, because sometimes even the most nicely asked question can result in me biting someone's head off.

I need to get out of the mindset that I can use Cancer as my excuse for being sharp-tongued.

Anyway, aside from all the abnormality, radiotherapy starts on Monday. I've attended all my pre-radio hospital appointments, so I'm ready to be zapped! I hope I respond well to some musical notes being played through me... I wonder if I get to choose which radio station they tune me in to? I am joking... I know radiotherapy isn't really anything to do with music, but please allow me that little imagination...

I'll report back on Monday to let you know how my first DJ session went ;)