I got the news I didn't want.

I'm not going to see my baby girl start school. I'm going to miss her parents' evenings, her school plays, her sports days, her school reports.

All those holidays we'll never get to have together. All the trips to the park, the zoo, the shops... anywhere.

I'm not going to be there to offer advice when she gets her first boyfriend. She'll never share with me all her secret crushes. I won't be there for her to bring a boy home to "meet the parents".

I won't be able to miss her when she goes away to university. Instead, she'll be missing her mum before she knows what university is.

I won't be able to hear the news "I'm getting married!".

I'll never wear a wedding dress myself, let alone see my daughter in one.

At the moment, I can't put into words what's happening, or about to happen. I've run out of words.

And I've no idea how I'm feeling.

I can't think let alone articulate my feelings.